


Full of Sound and Fury

by warmommy



Category: Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Genre: F/M, German-born Reader, Hugo Cannot English Well, Hugo the Mechanic and Driver, Reader: Jack of All Trades, Slow-ish burn, reader swears a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 06:22:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13584132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warmommy/pseuds/warmommy
Summary: Part fluff, part smut. Hugo and Wicki pulled a knife on each other, so now it’s your problem to teach that asshole how to speak English and play well with others. You do not abide a single fuckin’ fool.





	Full of Sound and Fury

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find this and a lot more at my tumblr, warmommy.tumblr.com!

Aldo was walking towards you with a determined sort of swagger and half a sandwich stuffed in his mouth, cheeks like a squirrel. Although you weren’t just  _certain_  of what he wanted just yet, the sandwich was a bad sign. For some reason, he thought no one could put up an argument to anything he said as long as his mouth was stuffed with food. Instantly, you threw your wrench down and leaned against the engine block of the stolen Kubelwagen, taking in a deep, calming breath.

“So, yeah.” Aldo opened up the passenger door and sat down, staring at you and chewing. “You got a little black stuff on your cheek. Also, you gonna have to take care of Stiglitz.”

Your eyes widened and you stood too abruptly. “I hope that by ‘take care of’ you mean take him out back and put a bullet between his eyes.”

“Nahp, I don’t.” Aldo shook his head. “Can’t be Wicki no more, they pulled knives on each other 'bout fifteen minutes ago, and the kid’s English ain’t very good.”

“What makes you think we won’t pull knives on each other, too? I just offered to kill the son of a bitch for you!” You backed away, hands on your hips, and shook your head. “No, not happening.”

“Oh, yes it is. Bottom line, I put it to all y'all to decide on him before we even got him. I told y'all, if we go and bust him outta that place, it better all be copacetic, no arguing, no fighting. Every single one of you assfucks agreed to save his life and maintain a peaceful relationship with him so that we may continue our fuckin’ mission.”

“So make Wicki buckle the fuck down!”

“Y/N,” Aldo said darkly, his dad voice merging with his 'I’m your lieutenant and I will kick you straight up the ass’ voice. “You’re the fence. You’re his English teacher. I thought I could count on you to act more mature. I’m not asking, I’m telling. You made your bed by signing on the dotted line, now you gotta fuck in it.”

You gasped loudly.

“Not literally, dumbass.” Aldo nudged Stiglitz, who appeared to have been sitting in the driver’s seat for some time. “Tell him I’m putting you in charge of him until things settle down.”

You were reeling now. “When the  _fuck_  did he get there?”

“I don’t fuckin’ know.” He turned to the German, then shook his head and walked off.

“Ffffffuck!” You picked up your wrench just to throw it again. Looking up at him with a sigh, you switched to your native tongue. “ _Okay, tall, dark, and dickhead. Did you understand what he said_?”

“Mostly,” he nodded.

You walked around to where he sat, crossing your arms just a foot away, although you knew damn well he couldn’t stand people being close to him.  _“I’m responsible for you because you can’t fucking behave yourself, like an animal. Whatever problems you had with Wicki, you’d better just forget about them. I will fuck you with a fistful of broken glass if you make my life any more difficult than it already is. Do you understand?”_

There was a glint in his dark blue eyes and leaned even closer.  _“Do you promise?”_

You placed your hands on his knees and met his face just inches from yours.  _“I will teach you how to speak better English, I will teach you how to look after us as we look after you. I will teach you how to be a real, live human being. The way that you act is a problem. Don’t look at me like someone whose throat you’re going to fist tonight.”_

 _“Do you want my help?”_  He nodded towards the popped bonnet.

_“Are you a mechanic?”_

He nodded.  _“And a driver.”_

_“And you just, what, thought that it would be hilarious to watch me struggle to fix this fuckin’ piece of shit that you know like the back of your hand?”_

He nodded again, grinning from ear to ear. Oh, that was problematically gorgeous.  _“I did, but since you’re in control of me now…”_

You stared at him disbelievingly, then smacked him on the ear. He was  _enjoying_  this.  _“Come show me how to replace those plugs, you massive fucking shit gibbon.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find this and a lot more at my tumblr, warmommy.tumblr.com!


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